it's everywhere; they're everywhere

Now that we're knee-deep in the IF life, C and I are learning that all sorts of people in our lives have also dealt with IF on some level. Now, we knew a bit about the ones close to us- friends, cousins. But when one of my co-workers caught me crying in my office and I told her a little about the situation, she rattled off two current and one former co-workers who all had some difficulty conceiving. I guess I didn't give much thought to infertility back when I thought we were fertile, so I didn't know all the pieces of the puzzle that have to be in perfect working order for someone not to be IF. I didn't realize how pervasive it is, or how disruptive it can be to a couple's life. I'll admit it, I was naive.

One interesting note about about all these people I know who've survived IF, every one of them wound up with a child or children. Is it a remarkable success rate, or have the ones who didn't get a BFP given up and kept their stories to themselves?

So, I guess we're surrounded by people dealing with fertility issues. At the same time, EVERYONE is pregnant! Two weeks ago, we got a call from C's cousin. Her son, a teenager, has become pregnant with his girlfriend. She called for another cousin's address to send a shower invitation, but I think she also wanted to share the news. I told C that there was no way I would even consider attending- even if we weren't trying so hard for a child of our own, I hardly know the cousin and have never met her son, let alone his girlfriend. Sorry- no go. C didn't think I'd be invited. After all, I have never met the pregnant people, and I'm more than twice their age. Three days later, the invitation arrived. I tore it up and tossed it in the recycle bin. I didn't RSVP.

Sorry- I really don't want to go to anyone's baby shower until I am eligible for one myself. Not that I will have one. My family doesn't seem to understand social norms at all. I got married a year and a half ago, a year after I started working in this office where my mother and brother both worked at the time of the wedding. Around here, there's a party of some sort every other week- baby showers, bridal showers, going-away parties. It didn't occur to either my mother or my brother to organize a shower for me. In fact, the one shower that I did have was arranged by my mother-in-law. My mother was just another invited guest, not a participant in the planning.

A little bitterness there. My family, for the most part, is living in the social dark-ages. Especially the ones older then me (two brothers and the parents). They just don't "get it." So now that my MIL has passed away, I don't expect there to be a baby shower if I should manage to get pregnant. There especially won't be one at work. I think people would expect my mother to arrange it, so no one else will. I'll be OK with no shower. Just give me a healthy baby and I'd be perfectly happy never to celebrate my own milestones. And then I might be OK with celebrating other people's, even when it's an accidental teenage pregnancy.