Friday, July 10, 2009

to pee or not to pee

I just don't know. Those sticks are evil, but I want to buy a few and use them up. I want to use one today, to see a negative and know it's because the trigger shot is out of my system. I want to use one tomorrow in the hope of seeing an early positive. I want to use one before my scheduled beta so I know before the nurses do, regardless of the outcome. I just want to KNOW. But those devil-sticks lie and manipulate and can't be trusted.

Here we are, 5DP3DT. I can't tell if the bloating has abated or I've just become accustomed to it. Most of my pants still do not fit, so I convince myself that I'm still experiencing mild OHSS, which would be a good thing because it would mean my HCG levels are rising, ergo I'm pregnant. Then again, I no longer have to stand or lie flat to take a deep breath (for a couple of days, there was nowhere for my diaphragm to go while seated), which means the potential OHSS is going away, which means no rising HCG and no pregnancy. Maybe if I POAS, I'll have an answer. But if it's negative, I'll just have to pee on another one, and then another, and then another because, honestly, it's too early to expect a BFP from even the most accurate HPT.

Yesterday, I self-medicated with gooey brownies. Tonight, we're going out to dinner with another couple, who know about last weekend's IVF. I just hope it's not the focus of our evening out. I know they'll drop the subject if I ask them to, but I'd prefer not to have to ask. There is more to life than TTC... at least I think there is. I'm having a hard time remembering that this week. I'm just ticking off the days until the beta. Six left to go.


sprogblogger said...

They are evil, but they sure give me peace of mind. I say "pee". If for no other reason than to have an idea what to expect when the nurse calls.

Whatever you decide, I hope you are about to hear good news - whether over the phone or in the privacy of your own bathroom.

Thinking of you with crossed fingers, toes & eyes...

Anonymous said...

I never POAS. I just can't. I didn't POAS until after my thrid beta. I know, I'm an anomoly. As much of an outward pessimist as I am, I think I like the 'possiblity' to last right up to the call.
However, I will gladly gaze at any pee sticks you post! I am a POAS spectator extrodinare.