there may be tears

Thanks to all who commented to let me know that I wasn't being pathetic or selfish. It's so nice to be in a community of women who understand what I meant about really wanting a shower or party of some kind to celebrate our becoming parents. It isn't the gifts or the attention, per se, it's the recognition of what a huge milestone this is. Sometimes, I question whether what I'm feeling is rational or hormonally-driven. In this case, it may have been both.

I had another crying spell yesterday at the thought of not having a shower for Ishkabibble. After stopping at the hospital for nother NST (during which Ishka "acted like a girl" according to the nurse who declared last Friday that Ishka was almost definitely a boy), I opened up to C about the whole shower thing when I got home from work. I was on the verge of tears again, and about to suggest that we throw a party of our own, when he asked me, "Do you not have sisters-in-law and the best friends possible?" Apparently, something is in the works and it's supposed to be a surprise. I didn't press for details, but he let on that the planning has been going on for months ("Why do you think I needed a copy of our holiday card address list? I don't send out the cards. You do!").

Now I understand why my brother's fiancee's surprise bridal shower is 3 full months before her wedding... if you wait too long to throw a surprise party, the guest-of-honor starts to wonder if a party's even going to happen. She may wonder if perhaps what she thought was a REALLY BIG DEAL isn't seen that way by her family and friends. Is she being selfish for wanting someone to throw her a party? She questions her motives and her sanity and starts to wonder if she means as much to her friends as they do to her.

I'll file this away for when it's my turn to plan a surprise for someone. Do it early! I do enjoy surprises, but I don't like the way I felt yesterday, before talking to C. I didn't mean to ruin the surprise, and I didn't spoil it completely- I don't know where or when the shower will occur (although I do have my suspicions). And if I'm particularly hormonal that day, I will most likely burst into tears in response to the affirmation that our friends and family DO understand how important Ishkabibble is to us.