tougher than I expected

Yesterday was rough.

I had my first encounter with the dildo-cam, which wasn't as bad as I expected. The tech, however, would not tell me what she was looking at or looking for. Even though she left the images on the screen after she was done and I had plenty of time to stare at them while I dressed, I have no idea what, if anything, I was seeing. Apparently, all was well because I got a call from one of the nurses in the mid-afternoon letting me know I should start the gonal-f that night. The nurse seemed rushed, and my cell phone reception is lousy at work, so I didn't get to ask what they'd looked for on the ultrasound, or what they'd seen. I go back on Monday for "bloodwork only." I'll be more aggressive then and will find out just what they're looking for and what my results are.

That was the easiest part of the day.

My husband's dog, E, turned 19 on March 20th. It's hard to explain the relationship between a man and his dog, and since I know I won't do it justice I'll just say they were close. They were together for almost all of C's adult life, through some mighty significant ups and downs. His demise was swift. He stopped eating on Monday; stopped drinking on Wednesday. Yesterday, he stopped moving all but his head. So yesterday, we took E to the vet for the last time. We have an extremely compassionate vet's office. We sat with E for nearly an hour until C said it was time to let him go. We didn't want to leave E alone, but we couldn't stay and watch her administer the anesthesia, so the vet came into the room as soon as we said we were ready, and gave us as much time as we needed to say one last good bye. It was a sad, sad day.

That was the hardest part of the day.

Then it came time to administer my first shot from the gonal-f pen. It's a nifty gadget, and I know from reading other blogs that the needle is so thin I would hardly feel a thing. But I just couldn't bring myself to pierce my own skin. I pricked myself a couple of times, but just couldn't do the deed. I finally had to call C into the room to do it. It didn't hurt. I felt almost nothing. I hope I manage it by myself tonight. No side effects yet, but I've only had one dose. I'm on 187.5 units for now, with the first adjustment coming after we see Monday's bloodwork. I have back-to-back soccer games on Sunday night (potentially- it's playoffs, so if we win the first one, we play again) and will need to inject in between them, so I have to be not only capable but proficient by Sunday night so I can do it in semi-public.