Wednesday, March 18, 2009

who knows?

It's kind of strange how I've filled some people in on what C and I are doing in pursuit of creating a family, while other people that I'm much closer to haven't a clue. I think pretty much everyone I socialize with knows that we've been "trying." I haven't had an alcoholic beverage in public in almost 2 years- not even on my 40th birthday. Even my relatively-new next-door neighbor knows we're trying, since she invited me over for a drink and guessed my reasons when I turned down a very tempting glass of wine in favor of water. I carpool to my weekly soccer games with a teammate who lives nearby, and we chat along the way. She's heard all about the heart rate misadvice and the process of selecting a sperm donor.

We've been completely open with one of C's three brothers and his wife, but haven't told the other brothers anything at all. I tried to have a conversation with my co-worker brother (before he was laid off... he's back to work elsewhere now, and much happier, thanksforasking), but he squirmed and turned red, so I figured it was too intimate a subject for him to handle. My mother knows we're trying, but doesn't seem to remember any of the details. Rather than be disappointed with her reaction, I just don't say anything to her about IF. My father and the rest of my siblings are completely in the dark.

Among our close friends, we've been open if anyone asks, but haven't really volunteered any information. As a result, one couple knows e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and even offered to help us pick a donor, while the others just know that traditional "trying" won't work in our case. When we go out together, I feel like they're all watching me like hawks, hoping to be the first to spot some sign that I might be pregnant.

And then there's the guy in charge of my second job. His wife is on my soccer team, but I haven't told my team in general, only the one player I carpool with. I was working kind of late one night (late for me is anything after 9 pm) when he commented on trying to start a family with his wife and that the one thing getting in their way was having the two of them in one place at the right time. He asked if C and I were planning to have kids and I told him about my "hot dates" with syringes. I tell him each Friday when I can work the following week, so he knows when I'm TWWaiting (and taking it easy) or working my tail off to take my attention off the latest BFN. At this point, he knows more about what's going on than any of my friends. Almost as much as C knows.

Two years ago, if someone had asked me who I'd confide in if I ever found myself in this situation, I would never have guessed this.


Melissa said...

I know what you mean. To me it's a blessing and a curse to have the involvement of others in this whole process. It's nice to know that they are there but they are also an extra layer of pressure.

When we get a BFN I feel like I'm letting them down as well. It hurts when I get the consolation pats of "it will happen for you soon" or even worse the ones who know you are trying and struggle to tell you that they have in fact have succeeded and are pregnant.

It's so hard all around.

Nic said...

No one knows we are TTC. If people ask, I am afraid at the moment I lie. People know I have endometriosis and may struggle to have children but they dont know we are actively TTC. It would cause heart break to too many people every time we get a BFN!