Wednesday, January 28, 2009

on the eve

Another snowy day in the great Northeast. Another day that C wasn't called out to plow. I guess the rain/snow line fell right where he's assigned, so there was very little accumulation before it changed over completely. It's become an icy rain here at my office, which is about 30 miles north of C's plowing route. Remarkably, I'm not overly concerned with our finances at the moment. We're doing OK between my paycheck and C's unemployment benefits. We've cut back on everything- groceries, our social budget, random car trips. We're being very very good. And it's helping. I was clueless about our IF issues last winter, but felt more stressed about finances then than I do about IF and finances combined this year. It's a good feeling, this lower-stress.

That said, I'm not completely without worries. Take tomorrow- HSG day. I have never met any of the people who will be involved with the procedure tomorrow. I've heard that some doctors use a very fine, flexible canula to inject the dye, while other use a larger, metal tube. My squishy sensitive insides don't want to meet cold, inflexible metal. Why would anyone use a metal tube??? I specifically requested a female doctor- what gender will anyone else in the room be? How many people will be there? I hate being on display, not that I'm overly prudish or self-conscious, but this is very personal and intimate. These are not the circumstances under which I like to meet new people. I'm afraid it's going to hurt.

Then I worry what the results will be. And if we'll have all the results in time. And if the doctor will send the authorization to my insurance and the sperm bank in time for me to place an order. And if the order will be delivered before I ovulate.

But it's slightly less than my financial worries of last year, which woke me up at 2 am every other day. We're off to a good start this year. C applied for a job last week and they suggested he might be better suited to a soon-to-open supervisor position instead, with a bigger salary. That interview should be in a few weeks. I got a promotion last week- no raise involved, but I went from being an insanely overpaid admin to a slightly underpaid analyst. The salary potential is a lot better as an analyst, as are the growth opportunities. I'm pursuing an accounting certificate, on my company's dime, and enjoying my online classes.

I still claim 2009 as "our" year.


IrishNYC said...

I hope it is your year! Good luck with your HSG. I hope it all looks good, and that evil dye gives your tubes a little bit of a wake-up.

I know exactly what you mean about being calm about your finances. I've been laid off twice in the last almost 3 years. The first time I was in hysterics. This last time we had just started dealing with our IF journey, and I was eerily calm about it. I took it as a time to just concentrate on getting through treatment, and came to the realization that if we had to cancel cable to afford a baby, a baby was much more important. There are so many things I'd have gladly given up, and still will if need be. Anything is worth getting through IF.

B. said...

Thanks! The encouragement, and commisseration, are appreciated. How did Tuesday's scan go? I am on pins and needles...

IrishNYC said...

Ah thanks for asking! All is well. All I wanted was a heartbeat, and there it was. :)

Remember to relax when you have the HSG (assuming you haven't gone yet). I was very tense during mine, and i don't think it helped. In retrospect, it wasn't too much different than an IUI, just a lot more liquid. They even use the same kind of pipette, the only difference being the balloon they blow up to plug your cervix. (Don't worry, it's t-i-n-y.) I've got my fingers crossed for you!