Friday, January 2, 2009

ignorant insensitivity

I'm going to vent for a moment...
A few weeks ago, I stayed home from work one day because I had some serious sinus congestion. The kind that makes your head feel like it's going to explode when you lean over to tie your shoes. I was dizzy, nauseous, and horribly headache-y. I didn't trust myself to drive all the way to work, so I drove instead to the nearest drug store. Generic sin-u-tab is great! About 20 minutes after taking it, I was feeling 1000% better. Three hours forty-five minutes later, I had to take another dose (they're supposed to last 4 hours... I guess they came close enough that I should not complain). At the mercy of my wonderful new favorite drug, I stayed home all day rather than head in to work a half day.
I work with my mother. If I'm out, she knows. And my supervisor is the kind of person who announces to the whole office (all six of us) what someone is out with if anyone calls in sick. So, of course, my mother learned about my symptoms. She called to ask how I was... and asked if I might be pregnant.
I informed this woman, my mother, (with whom I have never been and cannot see myself ever being close to) of the nature of our IF issues months ago. I told her less than a month ago that we were taking a month or two off from the expense of donor sperm so that I could invest in health insurance that covers IF. Aside from the fact that it would be completely IMPOSSIBLE for me to have gotten pregnant since the last failed IUI, and knowing the intenventions so-far involved in trying to become pregnant, did she actually think I could be pregnant and NOT know it? I'd bet she doesn't even remember why I haven't gotten pregnant. I don't believe she really pays any attention when I speak, especially if she can't one-up me in some immediate way. I know that our (C's and mine) IF is not "her" issue, but it hurt just a little to learn that she doesn't remember what I am dealing with. Of all the people in the world, my own mother doesn't remember? That just reinforces my belief that blood doesn't necessarily make family.

So, that's insensitivity #1. Number two struck a few days ago and then again today. The fairly new receptionist (not in my building, ergo not privvy to my supervisor's excessive disclosures) is very gabby... loves to talk and interrupts when you answer a question she just asked. She asked how my New Year was, and I mentioned that my brother proposed to his girlfriend and she was showing off the ring at a family dinner yesterday. The receptionist's comment- "And soon there will be babies!" A few days ago, she was talking about how she was thinking of having another one just because she's 40 and she might not be able to have another (she has two daughters) if she waits until she really wants to have a third kid.
That just seems wrong... I know I'm a little hypersensitive about the whole baby thing, but especially the comment about my brother and his fiancee... she doesn't know them. Who is she to assume that babies will just start appearing as soon as the bouquet is tossed?

I'm more irked by #1. Some members of my family are wonderful and I love them and feel very close to them. Others, like my mother (who will never know this blog exists) rarely fail to disappoint.

But now, it is 2009. My RE appointment is on Thursday. My new insurance card arrived in today's mail. I start an accounting class on Monday, and work is paying for it. This is MY, OUR, THE year!


IrishNYC said...

Good luck!

Ignore that ignorant twit receptionist. At her age she's far beyond any hope of having any tact.

That girl said...

Good luck to you. I hope 2009 is our year too!

Cassandra said...

Thanks for de-lurking and leaving your comment.

My husband likes to joke that if I told my mom about IF, she'd forget by the next day. His mother, on the other hand, would ask about it every time she called. This is why we haven't told anyone in our families!

I hope that you are right and 2009 is your year!

Anonymous said...

Hello. I just found your blog and it actually mirrors my situation almost exactly. I just want to thank you for being open with your experiences and for showing the rest of us your amazing strenght and faith in all of this.

I tried two IVF's with sperm retreived via biopsy and I just received a BFN on tuesday. I now have to get ovef the fact that we can't have any biological childern and will now consider IUI.

I wish you all the best for your results soon. I will look out for a BFP from you.