I'm such a sucker.

I wasted my last pee-stick this morning. I don't expect AF until Thursday or Friday, so according to the instructions, a test this morning was only 53% accurate at best. But for some reason, maybe because it was early and I was still half-asleep and needed to pee and worried about wasting FMU,... Yeah, I used up my last HPT. And, to no one's surprise, it was negative.

I am NOT buying any more HPTs. AF will either start or not. If not, I go to the RE for a beta on Friday or Monday, depending on which nurse's instructions I choose to follow. If AF arrives, I'll make an appointment to discuss with the RE what comes next.

I'm still concerned about the whole heart rate issue. I did some more research online over the weekend and couldn't find a single mention of the effect of my heart rate on my fertility. I'm skeptical, but I'd really like to find some actual proof that nurse TMI is wrong. I am working at job #2 tonight and will try to take it easy as much as I reasonably can. I could understand keeping my HR within the same range as when I'm not TTC, but 130 BPM is really really low, and so arbitrary. I mean, isn't 130 BPM completely different for a sedentary person as compared with someone who's regularly active? And as I mentioned, I've known plenty of women who became and remained pregnant while actively participating in a competitive soccer league. True, they weren't 40 years old, but I should think that age would affect egg quality not so much the ability to conceive.

What do I know. I pee on sticks when I know the results won't count.

"Symptoms"-
- spotting on Saturday morning, 9DPO;
- moderate cramping/tugging sensations in the abdominal area woke me up Friday night;
- oddly positive mood since 6DPO, with a tendancy to melt into tears with the slightest provocation.

It's likely nothing.

Interminable TWW

I'm trying to stay busy and distracted, but all I'm really doing is ticking off the days until I might reasonably POAS. I have one test left from last fall and I'm not buying any more. Even if this cycle doesn't take, there's really no need to spend money on the little torture devices. Unlike ovulation, I don't need to know with pinpoint accuracy the moment my hormone levels shift. I want to know, of course. But I think it just exaggerates the waiting when I might test too early, on purpose, just so I don't have to believe a BFN. Instead, I am PUPO as far as I'm concerned. Pregnancies are measured from LMP, so by that rule I am 3 weeks along. I'll revel in that thought and push rationality aside for now. Maybe I won't POAS at all... at least not until the day of a blood test, so I am forewarned.

have stick, will pee

I said I was going to test on the 18th. I still may. Trouble is, there's just no way possible for the results to be positive so early. I don't want to jinx the string of 18s that I have going (donor number ends in 18, it's our 18th cycle of TTC, the date will be the 18th, C was born on an 18th,...) by not testing. But realistically, is there even a remote chance I'll get a BFP? So why would I POAS knowing full well that the results will be not only depressing (yet another BFN), but also meaningless?

I'll probably do it, just for practice. I bought the cheap tests and will still have two left to use at a more reasonable date. I know what the result will be, so seeing just one lonely line won't be a disappointment.

On a completely unrelated side note, I have found my new most-favorite mid-afternoon snack. I take a handfull of frozen mango chunks and a smattering of frozen raspberries and toss them into a container before leaving for work in the morning. I let them sit on the windowsill until about 2:30 and then they're melted just right- still cool, but no longer frozen. The combination of raspberries and mango is amazing. The mango is smooth and sweet. The raspberries are terifically tart. YUM!

poor excuse

Sorry- in an effort not to mess up NaBloPoMo but still leave work semi-early (I already hit the 40-hour mark, and am no longer "on the clock"), I am leaving a sorry excuse for a post today. But hey, at least I remembered before shutting off the computer. I rarely log on in the evening from home, so it's now or never.

No news today, big or small. I am looking forward to another round of POASing which I can start tomorrow with the cheap-o OPKs. I save the digitals for CD14 and later, or when I get confuddled by the lines on the analog tests. (If it's not digital, it must be analog, right?) Anyhow, I should see a +OPK on Tuesday or Wednesday. Then I'll be off to the MW for another pair of IUIs. I'm not excited, stressed, or anxious this round. It's all old-hat now. I'm saving the excitement for the tail-end of the TWW.

OK- post posted. I can go home now. Night!