hangin' around

Nothing much happening here. I settled quickly back into the BBT habit and have been relieved and heartened to see my temperatures follow the same pattern as always, even before we enlisted the help of midwives, REs and drugs. I didn't catch a +OPK, but I think I started testing too early and simply ran out of tests before the LH surge happened. The AF-preamble has begun and I expect to see her in earnest tomorrow.

Then the fun begins. The countdown to our first intentional IVF cycle. AF will kick off the whole process, followed by lupron, another visit from AF, then stimming, ER, ET, and... I won't think beyond that. Or at least I'll try not to. One step at a time. One milestone at a time. I've been privvy (by blog) to too many heartbreaking BFNs and losses in the last several weeks to believe that a textbook IVF, or even a BFP, means we've made it through to the other side. It will be a challenge to rein in my forward-thinking, to focus on what's happening in-the-moment. I could fret myself into a panic by worrying about who's going to accompany me to the retrieval (C may be working, and I'm afraid of the repurcussions if he tries to take a day, or part of a day, off), or any other thing that may or may not happen.

I'm finding that one of the challenges of IF is the jump from daily monitoring to TWW; from focusing on this day and this cycle to looking forward to the next after a BFN. If the hormones weren't enough to cause mood swings, this schizophrenic lifestyle would be.