Tuesday, December 2, 2008

not trying is harder than trying

As much as TTC was constantly on my mind when we were either waiting for the +OPK or holding our breath during a TWW, it's even more in my thoughts during this cycle of "doing nothing." I was never a smoker, and I gave up caffeine over a year ago. I haven't had sushi since before I got married, and I am about to open my third bottle of 250-count daily vitamins. But suddenly, every morsel of food that passes my lips is prejudged for fertility value. Is this apple good for fertility, or should I be afraid of whatever pesticide residue didn't wash off? Should I be splurging on organic produce? I'm not drinking out of a nalgene bottle, having replaced it with an aluminum one, but the water cooler in my office stores water in plastic. Should I drink it? Should I stand further from the microwave when I heat up my lunch? Am I drinking enough FertiliTea? If I'm not P'ingOAS, shouldn't I be doing something?

So, I've decided that December is the month in which I will lose the 8 pounds I've gained since the SA that kicked off the medically enhanced portion of our quest. My gym membership will earn its keep this month. And I am hoping that regular exercise, including yoga and pilates (the gym has classes- hurray!), will become a routine part of my existence. We'll see. When depressed, it's hard to convince myself to work up a sweat.

2 comments:

lovecomesfirst said...

Still my TTC twin I see? Since I am taking this month off I too have been attempting to exercise more. And I've been drinking a lot. I figure I'll get knocked up next month so I might as well!

I like your title... I agree, waiting a month is hard! I'm newly unemployed to boot, literally sitting and waiting for something.to.happen!

Steel Magnolia said...

I don't know if you're the same as me, but when I'm waiting for the POAS I feel totally unable to do anything at all. It's like everything is absorbed in the waiting, and then another period of waiting to wait again....

BTW don't be too hard on yourself, have some liquor and chocolate in and amongst the exercise.