Thursday, October 22, 2009

unexpected phone call... at 18w0d

Sitting at my desk at work. Phone rings. I answer. It's my midwife, and she has the results of the second round of blood work related to the testing for Downs Syndrome. I brace myself, but really am not at all prepared for what she has to say. Just a month ago, she told me our odds were 1 in 150. There was no caveat or stipulation that another blood test could reveal something completely different. I thought we were in the clear, and in spite of my age we'd have a healthy "normal" child.

The baseline chance for someone my age having a child with DS is 1 in 47.
My odds, one in sixteen.

Why can't I focus on the fact that this means we have a 15/16 , or better than 93%, chance of our child NOT having DS?

Why am I thinking that this is so horrible- that our potentially only shot at having children won't turn out perfectly? What's so wrong with having a child with DS? Why am I thinking that if our child does have DS, we won't want to try to have a second child? Am I a bad person for wanting to have a perfectly healthy child, and for considering DS to be a defect?

Do I want to do an amnio?
Do I want to know for sure before I give birth?
What affect would knowing ahead of time have on how we treat this pregnancy and this child?

The Level 2 u/s is even more important now. Not that they can diagnose DS from an u/s, but apparently there are certain indicators that can be seen. We'll receive genetic counselling from an MFM specialist, and I can have an amnio done if we want it. I'm trying not to think too far ahead until we have more information.

I feel as though we just got too lucky and this is the price we have to pay. With every windfall comes an unexpected expense.

And I can't call C right now because he's essentially on a job interview today, all day.


BB said...

This must be such an emotional roler coaster! I am hoping and praying that everything turns out normal! On some of the questions you asked... one of my friend has a daughterw with DS (her elder son is perfectly normal). The baby girl is a fighter and is doing great! When I look at her situation and think of what could happen of me... I start wondering what is normal? It is what we define, when a child is young and helpless, we do all we can to nurture and care for them... but when they start growing, we expect them to be like us... just because that is "common", does that make it normal? I can probably not fathom your emotions right now... but you are in my thoughts!

Sprogblogger said...

I'm so sorry you're having to dael with this, and the uncertainty is the hardest part. Hoping for the best for you, and hoping that you find peace with whatever you decide. Thinking of you.

Nic said...

Oh shit, I am so sorry. You guys need to have a chat and a think. Having a child with DS is not the end of the world, but it might require a few changes in your life. I think you need to weigh up having a child with DS vs no child at all. Do not let people push you into a decision as everyone's views and life are different.
For me, if I was in your sitiuation I would be understandbly devasted, but I would still wish to have my baby with DS as I am so desperate for a baby and to be pregnant. I would not expect life to be an easy ride at all times though.
Sorry you are going through this. remember there is a 15/16 chance that your baby does not have it.
Good luck, all the best

sarah said...

I have no words of advice, but you are in my thoughts as you navigate this really difficult time.

IrishNYC said...

Oh gosh. I am so sorry you have to even think about this. I know exactly how you feel.

We had the amnio just so we could prepare ourselves for a bad outcome. Of course our test was looking for Trisomy-18, so there never would have been a "good" outcome, but had it been DS we were looking for, I would have just wanted to be prepared.

No matter what you decide to do will be the right decision for you. The three of you are in my thoughts.