the protocol today is...

Starting on the evening of CD2, my new protocol became:

5 units Lupron in the AM
225 units Gonal-F in the AM
225 units Gonal-F in the PM

I'll follow this until at least Saturday morning, when I go in for more bloodwork. I couldn't wrangle any hint of a timeline from the nurse who called me yesterday, although she did say we'd have some idea of how this will progress once they have the results of Saturday's b/w. I scheduled a vacation for the week following the 4th of July, which I expect to coincide with the first half of the TWW. I haven't told my supervisor that I may also need a day off some time next week for the ER. I'm sick of people knowing my business and would like to keep everyone at work (including my mother) ignorant of what's going on.

Speaking of mothers... my nephew is coming to stay with my parents for a few weeks. Knowing that I'm taking a week off, and since I said I wasn't going anywhere and had no "big" plans for the week, my mother has begun campaigning for me to take my nephew for a day or two. Sure, I love the kid. But I'm going to have to invent some "plans" so I can be a recluse during my vacation. Maybe I'll just have to "visit" my old friend and college roomie in NJ. I hate lying- it's simply wrong, and I'm lousy at it. But if I'm cornered, I'll do it.

At least my mother hasn't asked me if I might be pregnant in the last couple of months, even though I did call in sick to work one day with an evil headache and dizziness. No, she doesn't know this blog exists. No, she never will.

waiting for the call, CD2- **UPDATED**

AF made her appearance yesterday afternoon, which turned out to be CD1, not CD30. If anyone out there wonders as I did whether Lupron has an affect on cycle length, the answer would be no. At least in my case, taking Lupron beginning on CD22, at a dosage of 10u every morning, had no impact on cycle length. Good to know.

I headed to the RE's for u/s and b/w this morning. Assuming my hormone levels are in line and there are no unusually large cycts in my ovaries or fibroids on my uetrus, I expect to start taking the Gonal-F tonight or tomorrow. Then we head down the slippery slope of IVF... things start off rather slowly, then get a little out of control with daily monitoring and dosage changes and bloating and lack of sleep and finally the trigger, ER, and ET. Then comes the v e r y s l o w TWW. Time will literally fly between now and ET, which is part of why the TWW feels so darn long. Interminable as it may be, I'm eager to get there. I'm excited to become PUPO again, and hopeful (as always) that this is the time that will work for us.

**
Got the call from the nurse- no cysts, no fibroids, no follies. Lupron did its job and E2 was 19, progesterone was 0.5. I have to take her word for it, since I don't know what all those numbers mean, but she said I have the green light to start Gonal-F tonight, 225 units twice per day, and cut my Lupron dose to 5 units each morning.

Back to the RE's on Saturday for b/w. No guesses yet as to when ER will be, but almost certainly between June 30th and July 4th.

Lupron day 8

The only side effects I've had include being easily distracted, unfocused, and generally a little out-of-it. And maybe that fit of crying I had at the wedding last week. AF is nowhere in sight. If I were unmedicated, she'd have arrived yesterday or today. I couldn't find any answers regarding the affect of Lupron on cycle length, so I don't know what to expect. The injections themselves are easy, with little to none of the mild burning I felt with the first dose. Only the latest three pinpricks are visible on my belly, and those very faintly. There's been no bruising at all. I alternate sides to decrease the risk of stabbing where I recently stabbed. The right side is for odd days, and the left is even because I probably wouldn't be able to remember where yesterday's shot went in.

I've decided to take the week after the July 4th weekend as a vacation. I haven't taken more than three days off (not counting weekends) at one time in over three years, so this doesn't arouse any suspicion. My supervisor just thinks I am finally taking a real vacation. Too many people at work suspected what was going on when I took two days off for IVF #1's ER/ET. And even for those who had no clue, my refusal to lift anything raised questions. I just hope the timeline works out- C is praying for ER on 7/3, a holiday, with 7/2 as a back-up. He told his boss that he'd need a day off in the first week of July to take me to the doctor. If ET falls on a work day, I'll be on my own, but he'll definitely be with me for the ER. I'd like him to be there for both, but that can't happen if they're both scheduled for working days. My ideal schedule would be ET on 7/2 and ER on 7/5. We'll see.

We selected yet another sperm donor. Since this is a planned IVF, I was told to obtain unwashed, ICI specimens. None of the donors we used previously have any ICI vials available, but we lucked out in that Ca Cryobank is offering free donor information (via rebate on purchase) this month. So I splurged and bought the baby photos along with the long profiles of two of our possibilities. Both our final choices have twins in their families. We didn't look for that on purpose, but it's another similarity between the donor and C- C's father is a twin. Not that our decision was based on looks, but my first choice was a much cuter baby than C's choice. Their family health histories helped cement our decision ... we went with the cuter baby. And, thankfully, he's an open donor. I so wanted to give that to our child.

The whole donor selection process still feels terribly arbitrary and artificial to me. I almost wish they had something akin to the eHarm0ny questionnaire, and wouldn't show me any pictures until we'd already been matched based on values and interests. Instead, it all starts with vital stats- height, weight, hair and eye color. We're planning to be completely open with our child about where he came from, so blood type wasn't a criteria. And, to be completely honest, we don't care about any of those superficial traits. We'd be happy with a baby of any color and size. That realization helped me get over the RE's policy about opening the cryotank to check the contents. If the bank sends a wrong vial, I'll use it any way. C agrees with me on that. We just want a baby. Period.

Cycle-wise, I'm still on 10 units of Lupron every morning and just waiting for AF to arrive. Then, I believe there will be a baseline u/s and b/w, with stims (225IU of Gonal-F, twice daily) to start a few days into the cycle.

is it me or is it lupron?

I thought I was experiencing hot flashes in my sleep on Friday night, after my first dose, but them C told me it was just a really warm stuffy night. It wasn't the lupron, it was the weather.

I've been losing words since Friday. This morning, it was "insecure." I knew there was a word, and it had something to do with confidence, but it wasn't "self esteem." I relaxed my no alcohol habit this weekend, at a wedding on Saturday and again yesterday afternoon when I was hanging out with an old friend. I probably drank more in two days than I have in the last year. So, my vocabulary troubles... it's not the lupron, it's the drain bamage.

I had a breakdown on Saturday, at the wedding reception. I was proud of myself for holding it together when a noticeably pregnant bridesmaid marched up the aisle. We just went to her wedding a year ago, and here she is carrying the couple's first child (I later learned that this is actually #3 and they endured 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy). I had a lump in my throat when the priest repeatedly mentioned the bride and groom's willingness to accept children if they were so-blessed by God. No tears though. Then, at the reception, we were seated beside the dance floor and C's nephew danced with his big sister. He's 7 and she's 25. It was beautiful, but it somehow hit a nerve. I sobbed into C's sleeve. I couldn't stop, but I couldn't explain why I was crying. Was it pent up emotions from holding it together all day, from the accumulated frustration of IF, or was it the lupron? I just don't know.

Anyhow, I've yet to notice any "real" side effects of the lupron. It's only day #4, so the suppressive affect likely hasn't begun yet. Maybe the true side effects come later, when the usual hormones are absent. We'll see. I'm thankful there are no more weddings on our social calendar this summer.

And so it begins

Injecting oneself isn't quite like riding a bicycle, but it only took about 3 minutes of shaking hands and repeated utterings of "You can do this. You really can do this," to get that first dose of lupron into my belly. The needle's a little bigger than the Gonal-F pen (29 gauge instead of 30), so there was some resistance at first in puncturing the skin. The needle itself did not hurt. Injecting the lupron didn't hurt either. But about 15 seconds after withdrawing the needle, I felt a slight burning/stinging sensation at the injection site. Two hours later, it's still there. Faint, but noticeable.

No ultrasound yesterday. I have a terrible memory (that's why I write everything down, which makes people think my memory is remarkable when really I'm just reading my notes), and it'd been three weeks since I had spoken to a nurse, so I just plain forgot what I was there for yesterday. Bloodwork. That's all. The verdict- I definitely ovulated, so the low-dose lupron protocol began this morning. 10units lupron daily, at the same time every morning, then call them on my next CD1.

Does lupron affect cycle length? I'm big on thinking one step ahead. When someone's co-piloting for me, I always want to know what to do next as soon as I've begun the preceding step. Even if the next turn isn't for another 100 miles, I want to know now if it'll be a left or a right. So, I want to have some idea when AF will make her appearance. Normally, I'd expect her next Thursday or Friday. But on lupron, will she keep the same schedule?

I'm cautiously excited. It feels great to be DOING something again.