7DPI... no "signs"

But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. I refuse to be down about this process already. If the insem was successful, we wouldn't know for certain for another week or 10 days, so until then I will simply hope for the best.

If no such luck this time, we have some real thinking to do. Massachusetts does have a state mandate regarding health insurance covering infertility treatment. But, we learned the hard way that union-provided health insurance is exempt from the state mandate. Can you guess where we get our health insurance? Yup- through C's union. So, everything thus far has been paid out-of-pocket. We're not a wealthy pair, but as long as we're both working we can pay back the loan in a year or so. The trouble is that after two unsuccessful double-insems, and considering my age (40 1/2), it's time to seriously consider a little medical intervention. Do we shell out the bucks for more donor-sperm and a cycle of Cl0mid? Or do we wait until January and switch to the health insurance offered by my employer, which isn't exempt from the mandate? I think that even with some sort of infertility coverage, we still have to buy the sperm ourselves, and that, so far, is the most expensive piece of the puzzle. But if serious medical intervention becomes necessary to produce a pregnancy, it would be nice to have at least some of it covered.

On top of that, we'll need to rethink our donor choice. No reported pregnancies. Only unwashed samples are available, and the MW has now informed me that thawing AND washing them depletes the viable population, whicle washing before freezing has less impact. But it was tough finding a donor we liked who was available, so adding this new criteria will limit our choices even further. Why have we not gotten pregnant? Is it me, or is it the donor?

In any case, we're taking the TWW off from making decisions about donors and doctors. I need to go drink some pineapple juice and take my vitamins anyhow.

who's your "daddy?"

It seemed so arbitrary, selecting a donor. I mean, where do you start? I wanted to pick someone who resembles C so we wouldn't get comments about where our son's curly hair comes from or why our daughter has green eyes. Both of us have straight hair and blue eyes, although a couple of my siblings have wavy hair or non-blue eyes. But if the donor looks like C, then the resulting child will more likely resemble him too. I don't want to hide the fact that we're using donated sperm, but I also don't want to advertise it.

It's surreal- I felt like I was picking a new mate. I spent my whole life wondering whom I'd marry, what he'd look like and who our children would resemble. Since C and I became serious about each other, I've pictured what our kids would look like. And now we have this complete stranger contributing to the family gene pool. It's a strange feeling.

We started with blue eyes and blonde hair, with the hope of finding someone of Irish ancestry. We read through dozens of donor profiles, staff impression reports, and lists of character traits. We eliminated anyone with a positive CMV (I wasn't tested, and it takes two positives to affect a baby, so a negative ensures no affect). We skipped donors under 5'9" tall, or who were overly weighty for their height. The first one we both agreed on and were enthusiastic about turned out not to be available, so C made a list of his top 7 and asked me to narrow that down. Four of the seven were "retired" from the bank. One was in "very limited supply, but may or may not add to his inventory in the future." We bought the long profiles for the remaining two, after calling the bank to check on availability, and picked the one with the more favorable family health history. I just hope the donors were completely honest because this is my child's life that we're delaing with.

Anyhow, we picked one. I placed the order. I took out a small personal loan to pay for everything since we're still recovering from C's 6-month lay-off last winter. We bought 4 vials to start with. We'll use 2 per cycle- one the day the OPK turns positive and another the day after. OPK's turn positive 24-36 hours before ovulation occurs. I'm testing only every 24 hours, and frozen sperm last only 24 hours once thawed. So to increase the odds of success, two inseminations per cycle is recommended. If we get lucky on the first try, the remaining vials will help us make a full sibling for the resulting baby. If not, we've got round 2 all lined up for September.

Some time next week, I'll be heading to the clinic. Meanwhile, healthy eating, lots of sleep, low stress, and my daily vitamin & supplements.

a plan

"Any kid that comes out of you is mine."

Surprisingly, C doesn't seem phased by the fact that he can't biologically father a child. Sure, it was disappointing news. And now we have to deal with paying for everything orselves (Massachusetts madates fertility coverage, but insurance plans provided by unions are exempt!). We have every reason to believe that my body is perfectly capable of conceiving and carrying a child, so this may not cost as much as we feared. I had a second blood test today to check day-3 hormone levels. If that comes back normal, like the day-21 test did, then we're good to go.

All the information I found online advised that my first step be a visit to a reproductive endocrinologist. That was ill-advised to some extent, but the face-to-face meeting with an expert in female reproductive biology, and the information I walked out of her office with, was worth the $300 price tag (once again, not covered by our union-provided insurance). I don't need an RE. At least, I think I don't since there is no indication of anything awry with my hormones or reproductive system. She was familiar with a Boston clinic that deals with inseminations using donor sperm, and referred me there. She also recommended a couple of Ob/Gyn's in my neighborhood, and provided a list of pre-conception tests that should be done before we invest in donated sperm and the insemination procedure.

The absence of sperm appears to be an issue dealt with almost exclusively by lesbian couples, which makes sense when you think about it. So the first place I went was a Boston clinic that caters to the LBGT community. They host a bi-monthly orientation session, which I attended in July (good timing!), and where just about all my questions were answered. They gave me a list of sperm banks, several donor catalogs and price lists, and explained exactly how the insemination is done. I didn't ask C to attend the orientation with me. I thought I would stand out less as a single woman than he would as the only male in a room full of lesbian couples. He might as well wear a neon sign announcing that he has no sperm. [He's OK with that fact, but I don't want anyone questioning his masculinity. He's no less a man just because his testicles happen not to make sperm.]

Another result of speaking with the staff from the first Boston clinic was a referral to yet another clinic that does in-office inseminations using donated sperm. This one's in Arlington... further away, but not so focused on the lesbian community, and also less expensive. I met with a CMW there and felt very comfortable with her, so that's where we'll make our baby. She was encouraging and confident that we'll succeed, and also offered to provide Clomid if I decide I need it to stimulate ovulation. Apparently impressed with the research I'd already done, she waived the $200 consultation exam "requirement" and said the next step was to pick a donor and schedule the procedure. We thought we'd have to wait until September to start trying, but now it looks like August for us. If we win the lottery and succeed on the first try, we'll be due on May 5th!