CD8

Bloodwork and an ultrasound this morning. Estradiol levels are good and high, so I'm down to the minimum dose of Gonal-F tonight, just 37.5IU. They counted 7 measurable follicles, which I'm told is good. There's a slim chance, depending on what they find in tomorrow's b/w and u/s, that this could potentially maybe be converted into an IVF cycle. I don't know exactly what they need to see for this to become an IVF cycle, and it's only a very distant possibility, but the prospect has me a little excited and a bit anxious.

I have developed a near-steady ache in my abdomen, about 4-inches left of my navel. The sensation swells to more than just discomfort when I stop abruptly (i.e. hitting the brakes aggressively in the car- not me, but the woman I rode with to lunch today). I am very bloated, and my pants are a bit too tight in the waist. Tomorrow, I'll have to wear something with a drawstring.

This may sound overly simplistic, and I am one of those people always looking for "signs," but denying their relevance at the same time. Today is my birthday. I pay more attention to birth year than calendar year when it comes to judging whether a year has been good or bad. 2008 was not a good year, but for me it really didn't end until yesterday. We lost my mother-in-law and my husband's dog while I was 40. My husband was laid off for 6 months and I was afraid we were going to lose the house. We found the root of our fertility issues while I was 40, and endured 6 unsuccessful IUI cycles.

Today, I am 41. My new year, my 2009, began today. I've responded well to the OI meds. The cryobank is waiving their usual same-day shipping fee TODAY ONLY (shipping fees are not covered by insurance). This cycle's IUIs will most likely be on Thursday and Friday this week, and C will be able to go with me because, while he expects to be called back to work any day now, he hasn't been called yet. Then there are the non-IF good things that happened today... my most favorite musician in the universe released a new live solo album. I found out that the Dalai Lama is teaching and giving a talk in my home state in May (yes, I'm going).

Happy new year! Let the luck begin!!

speed

Wow. I figured the gonal-f would have some effect on the length of my cycle, but I didn't expect to be on the brink of triggering already. Heck, it's only CD7, and I normally ovulate on CD16. BW this morning indicated elevated levels of estradiol, as expected. So my fsh dose tonight is down from 187.5 to 75IU, and I'm scheduled for another blood draw and an u/s tomorrow morning. One of the nurses will discuss the u/s with me tomorrow while I'm at the doctor's office. I'm looking forward to understanding a little about what we're seeing in the u/s images. Apparently, triggering is imminent, but without images of the hormone-induced follies, they can't say if it'll be tomorrow or in a few more days.

I admit I'm a little worried about the hcg shot. Intramuscular. I'm not sure I can do it myself. C seems more than willing to assist, motivated perhaps by the fact that he's kind of an outsider to so much of this process. This is his chance to participate and contribute in an active way.

No significant side effects. I've had a mild headache since last night which occasionally explodes across my forehead for about 2 seconds then disappears. It's nothing, really. I feel a little bloated and tender around the middle, too. Maybe my ovaries are full of beautiful nearly-mature follicles. But not too many of them. I'd hate to be cancelled for having too many.

I did it!

For anyone facing the daunting prospect of moving on to injectibles for the first time, I just want you to know that the second shot is immensely easier than the first. Knowing what it would feel like broke the mental barrier that kept me from poking myself the first time. Admittedly, these are the easiest of the injections. The Gonal-F needle is tiny. But, if it turns out that I'll need more than this and the hcg, this is the ideal way to get used to needling myself.

No side effects so far.

tougher than I expected

Yesterday was rough.

I had my first encounter with the dildo-cam, which wasn't as bad as I expected. The tech, however, would not tell me what she was looking at or looking for. Even though she left the images on the screen after she was done and I had plenty of time to stare at them while I dressed, I have no idea what, if anything, I was seeing. Apparently, all was well because I got a call from one of the nurses in the mid-afternoon letting me know I should start the gonal-f that night. The nurse seemed rushed, and my cell phone reception is lousy at work, so I didn't get to ask what they'd looked for on the ultrasound, or what they'd seen. I go back on Monday for "bloodwork only." I'll be more aggressive then and will find out just what they're looking for and what my results are.

That was the easiest part of the day.

My husband's dog, E, turned 19 on March 20th. It's hard to explain the relationship between a man and his dog, and since I know I won't do it justice I'll just say they were close. They were together for almost all of C's adult life, through some mighty significant ups and downs. His demise was swift. He stopped eating on Monday; stopped drinking on Wednesday. Yesterday, he stopped moving all but his head. So yesterday, we took E to the vet for the last time. We have an extremely compassionate vet's office. We sat with E for nearly an hour until C said it was time to let him go. We didn't want to leave E alone, but we couldn't stay and watch her administer the anesthesia, so the vet came into the room as soon as we said we were ready, and gave us as much time as we needed to say one last good bye. It was a sad, sad day.

That was the hardest part of the day.

Then it came time to administer my first shot from the gonal-f pen. It's a nifty gadget, and I know from reading other blogs that the needle is so thin I would hardly feel a thing. But I just couldn't bring myself to pierce my own skin. I pricked myself a couple of times, but just couldn't do the deed. I finally had to call C into the room to do it. It didn't hurt. I felt almost nothing. I hope I manage it by myself tonight. No side effects yet, but I've only had one dose. I'm on 187.5 units for now, with the first adjustment coming after we see Monday's bloodwork. I have back-to-back soccer games on Sunday night (potentially- it's playoffs, so if we win the first one, we play again) and will need to inject in between them, so I have to be not only capable but proficient by Sunday night so I can do it in semi-public.