CD1

Another cycle of clomid, 100mg on days 5-9. One more insem using lucky #18. I'll keep my fingers crossed, but I've stopped holding my breath. Luckily, I had a wonderful chat with the patient coordinator at the RE's office and I am encouraged by the prospect of independently-purchased health insurance. It's not as expensive as I had feared, and costs a lot less than our monthly sperm purchases of late. So, if November doesn't work for us, we'll take two months off- one just to take a break, and the other to undergo all the pre-IVF testing that my new insurer will require.

I am still hoping that November will be our month.

p.s.

As anyone who might have a similar side effect to taking Cl0mid will want to know, I am happy to report that the dreaded hemorrhoid has pretty much disappeared. I couldn't find any reference that mentioned how long they last, so I can now state from personal experience that a mild case lasts less than a week.

IUI #1, take 3

Halfway there... one more IUI and we officially enter the TWW. I'm hoping THIS is the one. Of course, I've hoped that twice before. I kind of snapped at C a little this afternoon. He called as I was driving back to work from the insem and told me that "it's all in your attitude. Keep positive." To which I replied that, while I believe a positive attitude does help, there's far more to it than that and I don't want anyone insinuating that a lack of success is MY fault for having the wrong attitude.

I am thinking positively. I have been since we tossed the condoms and began this whole process. I know that at some point we will have a child. I do not know, however, how we will get there. Maybe this is the route that will work. Maybe it isn't. If I were not a realist, I would not survive the ups and downs we've been enduring. So please don't tell me that my attitude will determine the outcome of this attempt. It's not realistic, and I don't need that kind of pressure or blame. I am hopeful. I am certain that *something* will work. Enough said on that topic.

As for today's insem... well, the MW said they've had much success and many pregnancies this month, so maybe that will rub off on me. I took Cl0mid this month, and I can feel something going on in the vicinity of my ovaries, so I'll believe that the drugs helped. It's a new donor, prewashed, so there should be a higher volume of motile, viable swimmers than with the frozen-thawed-washed specimens we used in our first two attempts. She made no comments today, though, on how the specimen looked. It was very busy at the clinic, so maybe she didn't have time. Or maybe there's no real opportunity when the specimen needs only to be thawed, not thawed and washed.

Tomorrow, C will go with me to the clinic for insem #2. Maybe we'll go out to lunch, but I really don't want to dwell on it. I hope there are loads of distractions (good ones) between now and 10/24. I don't want to wake up every day wondering if I'm feeling imaginary symptoms. Here goes!

side effects

Cl0mid, so far, is not my friend. No hot flashes or cramps, but I've snapped at C several times over the last week. And on Saturday night, I developed my first ever hemorrhoid. This was not listed as one of the potential side effects, but there's really nothing else I can attribute this to. It's not terribly painful, but it is extremely uncomfortable to sit at my desk at work. I feel raw.

I will forgive Cl0mid this irritating inconvenience if it helps me get pregnant. Today is CD11, and O usually happens around CD14, so assuming the OPK turns positive at some point, this will be a busy week. I wonder if I should mention the 'roid to the MW at the insem. I bought a tube of Prep-H, but is there anything else to be done? Web MD suggested incorporating more fiber into my diet and drinking more water, but that's for prevention, not to make this go away. I also couldn't find any info on how long, once present, such a condition persists.

Here's what's different this month, in case I need to know what works...
1. Eased up on the pineapple juice, now drinking a small can approximately every other day;
2. Cl0mid on CD5-CD9, 100mg;
3. New donor, pre-washed.

Last cycle was the longest I've had since I started paying attention- 30 days where my norm is 28. I guess 2 days difference isn't much, really, but it seems like a big deal. And when you're in the TWW, your mind can play tricks on you. I wasn't convinced I was pregnant, but I wasn't sure I wasn't, either. I think that's why I was more down than usual when AF finally began and the truth was known.

But, it's a new cycle now, with a new donor who bears my lucky #18. C has been very encouraging, and at the same time has expressed his frustration with not being able to take care of the sperm half of the equation himself. He even offered to go with me to the clinic for the insems if I happen to ovulate on a weekend. That may not sound like a lot, and many of the blogs I've read mention that both partners did all they could to be present at every insemination. But C doesn't have paid vacations or sick time, and this costs so much money that we really can't afford for him to be with me. On top of that, he doesn't like hospitals or doctors' offices (who does, really?), so I'm grateful that he'd join me on a weekend. And if my timing is like the last cycle, we might be headed to the clinic on Saturday.