another reason to be grateful

Without the warm, thoughtful, and wonderful comments I get from you who read what I blog, I'd be losing my mind right now wanting to tell someone that we're pregnant. I haven't been thrilled with the response from the two couples we did tell IRL. Yes, they're excited for us. But they really don't understand what it took to get here and they don't have the interest to ask, nor the patience to listen when we begin to explain.

You, though... you get it. You understand. Even though our paths have not been identical, you recognize the gravity of finally reaching this point. Even more, you understand the tremulous tightrope that follows a BFP, which is no guarantee of anything. I've followed your blogs and wept over your losses. So many have made it past where I am now only to lose everything. We're all doing everything right, but there is so much that is beyond our control and which can take it all away in a heartbeat. Our friends IRL simply tell us, "You'll be fine." The IF community empathizes, understands the mixed emotions we're experiencing now- the joy of a positive beta and the worry that this could disappear without reason or apparent cause. You're encouraging, as our friends IRL mean to be, but you recognize how much has been invested in TTC. I don't know if I've expressed it clearly enough, but I want you to know how thankful I am for all of you, commenters and silent readers alike. I wish I could hug you all. And I hope beyond anything that we'll all make it to the other side of TTC with our arms and hearts full.

Why NaBloPoMo?

I thought at first that it would be too big a commitment. I don't even hit the personal internet on a daily basis, so where would I find the time to blog every day for an entire month (this should be in February, with only 28 days)? Then I realized that IF is in my thoughts not just every day, but nearly every minute of every day. A blog entry need not be excessively verbose or deep. And it's nice to chronicle the evolution of this effort as my emotions run the gamut from despondency to the jubilation I hope will come when I finally get that BFP. So I decided to participate in NaBloPoMo for myself, to track the daily musings on IF, and anything else that seems relevant to my existence, for a solid month. I know there are a couple of people who've at least glanced at this blog (and I thank you sincerely for your comments. They're like hugs from travelers sharing this journey with me), but I have no delusions of some great audience waiting for my every post. This is for me, and for my as-yet-inconceived baby who should know how much she was loved even before she came to be.