another me

I'm a different person, now that I'm "on a break" from TTC. A co-worker brought some leftover Easter candy to work and offered me a piece of dark chocolate. "Mmmm, thanks!" I indulged. The gym is crowded, with a lot of grunting meatheads after 5 PM. This fact, plus the whole heart rate debacle, led me to visit just twice in the last three months... until this week. At 2:15, the gym is virtually deserted. It's downright delicious. I take a late lunch nearly every day now (it's almost a habit, after just four days) and hit the gym for a little sweat therapy. I enjoyed a beer on my sunny patio Saturday evening (and immediately dozed off... I've become a terrible lightweight). I cleaned the litter boxes (I know you're wondering why I'd rejoice about that... well C doesn't clean them as often as I'd like them cleaned. So, when I clean them, no one can even smell that we have two cats.). I'm going to dinner with some ladies in my neighborhood tonight, and I fully intend to enjoy a nice glass of wine.

Little things. A year ago, I wouldn't have thought they mattered. But I feel refreshed and energized and while I have no pie-in-the-sky thoughts for my next cycle, this new me certainly can't hurt.

layin' low

Well, the staff at the RE's office didn't think an unmedicated IUI cycle was a good idea. Not for medical reasons. Medically-speaking, they were pretty supportive. Getting insurance approval for anything this cycle would negate all previous approvals, and there may not be enough time after a BFN to obtain an approval for whatever we're doing next. So, my choice is between doing an unmedicated IUI this cycle and taking the next one off OR taking this cycle off in preparation for whatever the REs all recommend for my next active effort. Either way, I'd have to endure an inactive cycle. Doing nothing today translates into doing something with a higher success rate sooner than if I do the littlest bit of something now.

And because I am an (unwilling) optimist, I must point out that I think we've moved a month ahead of where I thought we'd be by now. Originally, my insurer announced the requirement of two OI/IUI cycles before progressing to IVF. All of the nurses I've spoken with since my blood draw on Monday (all three of them) have implied that my next cycle will somehow involve IVF. One nurse specifically mentioned that once I'm approved for a procedure, insurance typically will not approve a lesser treatment. So instead of beginning my second OI/IUI, which would have been followed by a month break before moving on to an intentional IVF, I may be skipping the OI/IUI to move straight into IVF. I'm a month ahead of schedule.

The pessimist in me feels the need to point out that if an unmedicated IUI cycle would have resulted in a BFP then I will end up at least a month behind in the grand scheme of things. The sun is shining and the forecast calls for a beautiful warm weekend, so I'm ignoring pessi-me.

As for proceding with an unmedicated cycle without insurance approval- we can't afford it. Sperm costs over $1,000 (including shipping). IUI's with the midwives that I frequented last fall cost $225 apiece, and they're the cheapest around. Plus, because the clandestine IUI might not succeed, I'll still have to shell out $485 for May insurance. C just went to work last week, so we're still recovering from his winter lay-off. We just don't have the extra cash.

So, I wait. And this weekend will be perfect for enjoying a nice cold beer on the patio. [silly optimist]