memorable weekend

Anyone who'd rather forego the amused ramblings of a toddler-mom and go straight to the IVF cycle details, please redirect here.

I am weak. I knew it was too early, yet P'dOAS anyhow. Not just once. Twice. I still have one left, and intend to use it tomorrow morning. So far, they're been negative and I'm convincing myself that it's still too early for an HPT to yield any other result. My beta is scheduled for Friday. There's plenty of time for a +HPT between now and then.

The big news this holiday weekend is that Charlotte started walking! She's been walking steadily, holding anyone's hands, since October or thereabouts. She's been cruising like a champ since Thanksgiving or earlier. She took her first unassistend (yet totally provoked) steps months ago, and had taken a few unprompted ones on occasion. This afternoon, she was suddenly confident enough to walk around the house holding just one hand. We've been trying to get her to do that for what seems like forever, both because we knew she could do it and to save our aching backs. Then, this evening, she stood up (using nothing to assist her, which she's been doing for a month now), looked at me with a sly grin, and started walking across the room. She paused halfway to her destination to look over her shoulder as if to verify she had an audience, then finished the trip. No stutter-steps. No hesitation. No stiff-legged newbie-walker strides. She WALKED. Like a kid who knows how to walk.

No positive pregnancy test this weekend, but we officially have a toddler in the house now. I'm happy.

28 retrieved. 4 fertilized.

2-day transfer on Saturday afternoon. I guess I can't ignore my age forever.

plugging along and hoping for the best

On the IVF front, we're on CD7 now and I continue my high dose Gonal-F through the morning of CD9. An u/s and some b/w on CD9 will likely lead to tweaking my dose, but the b/w this morning yielded no change. I'm bloated, so I know something is happening. And the CM... well, even this early, let's just say it's there. But I'm apparently not responding like I did two years ago. Somehow, I thought I would even though time and age should have lowered my expectations a bit. I'm still optimistic, but not expecting the same dramatic numbers we saw in 2009. Maybe that will make this easier- I won't be surrounded by doctors and nurses saying "FREEZE ALL!" and I won't have to worry so much about OHSS.

Anyone want to guess how the cycle will go this time? In 2009, during the cycle that worked, we ended up with 40 eggs retrieved on CD12. 24 were mature, and 15 fertilized. We transferred 5 embryos on CD15, which led to a singleton pregnancy and a +HPT at 9DP3DT. My guess... 31 follicles on CD12: 19 mature, of which 11 will fertilize, and we'll again transfer 5 on CD15. I like prime numbers.

I've been had (amended)

SHOP AROUND for your drugs!

There was a Freedom Fertility Pharmacy pamphlet at the RE's office, and it indicated that their prices were available online. So, I looked. I paid over $1200 for each 900U Gonal-F pen (I paid half that... insurance covered the rest). Freedom sells them for $780**. You'd think the RE would have known such price discrepancies exist, and would have warned me or at least advised me to look around before they placed the order!

Is the RE getting a kickback from my pharmacy?

** I just looked more closely at Freedom's web site. The "current" prices that they published were current as of October 2009. I sent them an email requesting truly current prices for the drugs I am using and will withold judgement of all parties involved until I find out of their actual prices are similar to what I was charged. I'll let y'all know what I learn.

down

I'm feeling pretty glum. Shelled out >$3k for the stims. The house needs a new roof. Fuel prices have completely eradicated our business profits. And remember that interview I had at the beginning of March- the one with the company that laid me off? Well, I didn't get the job (old news- I've known that for over a month), but BOTH of the other interviewees did. They said there was just one opening, but somehow, they're both emailing from a work email address now. Three people interviewed for one job, and I'm the only one still unemployed.

Yes, I tend to focus on the silver lining in every scenario. I treasure the time I have with Charlotte. And in an ideal world, I'd stay home with her voluntarily. But we really can't afford this right now. And I am terrified that something may happen to C. If he's out of work for any reason, we're sunk... completely. I'm approaching the 6-month mark. Interviews on NPR with employers repeated over and over that when someone becomes "long-term unemployed," they're even less likely to find a job or be seen as desirable by a potential employer. "Long-term" begins at 6 months.

I've said before that I should start buying lottery tickets. I was joking then. I think I may actually buy some now.

a breakthrough?

If you're here to follow IVF progress and would rather not read about a near toddler, please redirect yourself here. Thanks!

Tonight, for the first time since early January, Charlotte went to bed without protest! Not only that, she actually leaned out of my arms toward her crib as we stood beside it saying "Goodnight!" to all her toys. It was about 45 minutes past her usual bedtime, and she'd just taken a bath, AND she had a messed up nap schedule today, so I'm sure she was completely exhausted. I hope this marks the end of the "I don't wanna sleep!" phase.

In other news, her vocabulary continues to expand. The other day, we were "walking" down the hall when I asked her to help me put her toys away. She let go of my hands (she's not walking solo yet), sat down, and signed "help." Then she reached up for my hands so we could walk some more as though nothing remarkable had happened. She'd only just been introduced to the sign that morning, and I didn't know it had sunk in. Amazing. She also learned BOY, GIRL, and COOKIE that day.

That's all I have in me right now. I'll write a more involved 13-month post soon. G'night!

it's all good

Anyone stopping by from CycleSista who doesn't want to read about life with an almost-toddler, but who is interested in hearing about an IVF cycle that's just getting under way, please go to this page. Thanks!

Everything has fallen nicely into place for our IVF cycle. My body jumped immediately back into my usual rhythm and today is CD7. Lupron will begin on CD22, assuming the CD21 BW results are acceptable. C had blood drawn for the requisite STD testing, and I had a mammo on Tuesday. My last pap was less than a year ago, so that requirement is filled as well. These steps all felt like major roadblocks last time, but now that I'm familiar with them, and the RE's office informed me of them all at once instead of peppering me with them one at a time just as I thought I'd finished jumping through all the hoops... Let's just say that I feel calm and prepared this time.

In other news, we celebrated Charlotte's first birthday with our closest family and friends last Sunday. I rented an indoor soccer field and bought 75 beach balls, which turned out to be all that 24 kids needed to have a good time for an hour. Then we had cake, and that was it. Party over. I baked all week and stressed about whether or not there's be enough cake for everyone, but we ended up begging people to take some home. Here are some highlights...

Charlotte seemed to enjoy wearing the tutu I made for her. Here she is, crawling around the soccer field after the big kids.

Charlotte decided that she really likes cake.

One of the big cakes. We had a ladybug theme (my MIL had a thing for ladybugs). I made three big cakes, plus one small one for Charlotte to tear into. I'm proud of how everything turned out, but have to admit it was very easy to do. If you want to know how, just ask. Same goes for the tutu- very easy, and with adorable results.

We're still struggling with sleep as Charlotte is content to fall asleep in my arms or lap, but insists it's the end of the world when I put her in the crib. It's not the crib that she hates, though, because she's perfectly happy to play in it for a while upon waking. She's not walking yet, but has come very close and can raise herself to standing without walls or toys or anything else to push up from. New words in the last week or so include SHARE, GRASS, ON, OFF, LEAF, TREE, DAY, and Grandpa (which I think she's been signing for months, but now it's exactly as demonstrated in the videos). She's trying to sound out words all the time, too, and has spoken "all done" more than once but isn't consistent with it yet. She signs "POTTY" when her diaper is poopy now, too. I'm so in awe and in love with this little person!