Wednesday, August 13, 2008

high hopes

IUI number 2 happened yesterday. Another big chunk of change spent on the dream of a family. C tells me not to think of a failed insemination as money wasted because every try brings us closer to a child of our own. Between the BBT charting and the OPKs, I think we've taken all the luck out of it. I feel as if we've made this effort so scientific, and timed everything so perfectly, that it HAS TO succeed. If it doesn't, there must be something we can improve on for next cycle. I'm not someone who can deal with failure in the absence of a cause. I need to know what I can do to create success. If something doesn't work, I need to know how to fix it.

That said, I know our odds are slim for a successful first attempt. I can't help hoping, though. I'm not telling anyone. I don't want people hovering, asking every day or two how I feel. Even C asking "Do you feel pregnant yet?" is getting on my nerves and it's only been two days since the first IUI. I shouldn't feel anything for at least a week, I think. And we won't know anything for two weeks. I can't stop thinking about it though... what if we succeeded? I'll be giddy. If we failed? I'll be even more dilligent about daily vitamins and eating the right foods.


I've given these up for you, baby-yet-to-be. You're worth every sacrifice. I know you are. Please join our family. We miss you!!!

No comments: