What I did this summer

Here goes... I'm blogging for the first time, and may one day let someone know this is available to read. Until then I'm not sure who my audience is, aside from me.

It's July. I'm starting to feel anxiously optimistic. After about 2 months of bad news and tragedy, we finally have a clear course of action to follow. We're taking it out of luck's hands. There's no chance anyone can ever call our child a "happy accident" or a "surprise."

The background- C and I have been married for a year. We knew from the start that we wanted to have children, but we didn't let that dictate the pace of our relationship, even though I was 36 when we first met. We took our time, made sure we were right about each other, and got married last year. We immediately threw away the condoms, but figured nature would take over and we'd have news for our families within a few months; a year at most.

From the very beginning, I gave up alcohol, except on days when I knew for certain that I could not possibly have conceived. Three months into our reckless procreative attempts, I gave up caffeine. I started taking a daily multi-vitamin religiously. Eight months in, I bought a thermometer. At the ten month mark, I bought OPKs. Along the way, I turned 40 and all the news broadcasts were suddenly including stories about how difficult it is to conceive after 40.

Anyhow, the experts advise seeking medical help after a year of trying, or after 6 months if the woman is over 40. I volunteered C to be checked out first, since a male exam isn't as invasive as mine would be. That turned out to be the best approach as we immediately discovered the root of our failures- no sperm. It was devastating news, and nothing can be done to repair him, but at least we know what's wrong. There was an initial concern that he could be at increased risk of cancer, and with his mother's passing very fresh in our minds (5/27/08- cancer), we spent a couple of weeks on edge, waiting for test results from the doctor. Aside from the lack of swimmers, though, C is completely healthy.